Knockers Vs Meopham

Lose :: Played on Sunday 22nd June 2025

Knockers
146-10

Meopham
148-5

Match Report

Who would be king? Several scholars have suggested that Camelot might not be considered a physical place, more a spiritual one; did its location settle in Meopham on this breezy summer day? As Excalibur before it, who would wield the £26 Slazenger “Plankton” bat and pronounce his right unto the nation?

Sir Zac, with his trusty steed, Silver Saab, carried both he and Rozalund of Manchester to the game. They brought something with them. Sheathed in mystical cellophane, what substance was Plankton forged of? Several Knockers gave comment, all coveted this wand of the ancients. Could this mighty kingmaker have been picked from the hallowed shelves of B&Q?

It was not simply a tale of the Slazenger. Seb of Surrey and Matt of Kent went out to face the red dragon of Meopham without it. They weakened the beast with sixteen runeths between them before Matt perished. Gabe of Putney strode out, ready to further the taming of the monster while the tailend discussed who could hold that which could not be held, so heavy was the Devine toe of the bat that only the strongest three stepped forwards. Their time of testing would come.

Seb and Gabe took Knockers to 58. Their shots like arrows through the heart of cover and square. This was no ordinary battlefield however. Demons danced on the pitch and a vicious lifter came off the shoulder of Seb’s bat and into the cursed hands of first slip.

Sir Profalot soon followed. The scribe’s quill scratching “bowelled” after his name, so cruel was this cricketing beast that it was not satisfied unless viewing the inners of our brave knights as the ball seamed from middle to leg and through the castle gate.

Mike of Putney fought bravely until the fickle finger of fate decided the fireball must be breathing down towards middle stump. Gabe also fell to disembowelment and our chance at this new realm began. Sir Hay carried Plankton to the middle. Shock and awe from those present. 96/4 meant little. We could see a kingdom united under one again.

Plankton would choose another. Sir Hay returned and so Sir Rory held its might…for eight balls until he too succumbed to the weight of history. Despite taking a valiant off stump guard, he watched that very timber fall. Scott had also fallen. Not only no king, there were so few of our brave men left. It was 99/8 off 22.

Adil of East London arose and he found an ally in Neil of Paddock Wood. They slashed, mostly through square, they bashed, beautifully through the covers. Adil’s blade alas topped edged for c&b but he’d helped us to 127/9.

Sir James of Jonners grabbed the Slazenger Plankton. Was he concerned by its power? He didn’t show it as the score raced to 146, mostly from Sir Neil. Three runs more than the might of Zak and Rory could muster was James’ reward until he too fell. The story must be written another day as Plankton now rests in the Knockers bag.

Tea was taken. Our tormentors turned kindly hosts. Meopham were on great form on and off the field of play. Seb was seen thrice at this banquet.

Rory opened our defence along with Mike. Sir Profalot took the gauntlets. The two Meopham openers were not brave enough to ask for the Slazenger but they were fine men. Within eleven overs they’d put on 94 runs, when Knoores retired with a straight punch to bring up his fifty. Neil and Adil had taken over by this stage and it was taking on the shape of a story of tragedy.

Not so. Adil, our own Merlin on the day, took a fine, low returning catch to remove Knowkes for 36. He followed up next ball, as one snuck through. Neil also found the woodwork and for Adil, a fair maiden did appear, and then an LBW. Could magic happen for the second week in a row?

It could not. Knockers took it to the 26th over, of 35, with Zak bowling beautifully for no reward and only Jonners slaying another foe, who top edged to Seb at mid wicket. Avalon could not heal the mortal wounds but the post match beers could. With men of such spirit, we could yet find Arthur among us.

The Slazenger awaits…

 

Batting

Batsman	How Out	4s	6s	Runs
Seb Horner	caught	6	0	28
Matt Landers	caught	1	1	10
Gabe Musker	bowled	7	1	36
John Mitchell	bowled	0	0	0
Michael Sharpe	lbw	1	0	8
Zac Hay	bowled	0	0	0
Rory Goodson	bowled	0	0	0
Scott Landers	caught	0	0	0
Adil Omar	caught	4	0	22
Neil Dave	not out	3	0	14
James Johnstone	stumped	0	0	3

 

Bowling

Bowler	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts
Rory Goodson	4.0	0	32	0
Michael Sharpe	4.0	0	34	0
Neil Dave	4.0	0	29	1
Adil Omar	7.0	1	19	3
Zac Hay	3.1	0	16	0
James Johnstone	1.0	0	11	1